How to Transform Your Mental Pain Into Powerful Personal GrowthMar 24, 2021
Our Necessary Evil to Healing Our Lives
I always wondered why my life seemed so riddled with pain and unhappiness, and why comparatively you appeared so “normal.” Was I the only baby that the stork delivered without peace-of-mind and a sense of well-being – knowing that perhaps I wasn’t good-, worthy-, or loved-enough?
I spent most of my 62 years clumsily chasing a way to fix these problem — to fix ME. There was just something really big missing deep down inside – a disconnect of sorts that I couldn’t put my finger on. I somehow felt cheated, empty, angry. I wanted what you had but could never figure out how.
Pain and struggle have always been a big and unwanted part of my story. After all, who likes to be miserable? Even my baby pictures revealed a deep sadness that I couldn’t explain. I tried to hide it so that people would think I was “normal,” but that was never how I felt inside.
By all estimates, I had the trappings of a successful life, but I was really never happy. I had the college education, an amazing career, many things and money. I was married for 25 years and had 3 great kids.
As an adult man, I struggled with poor self-esteem, loneliness, inferiority, and addiction that nearly killed me twice trying to fill that hole in my soul with things that weren’t healthy. I thought that there wasn’t a solution to my pain for people like me.
Experiencing peace-of-mind and deep inner joy seemed so elusive until my pain became so great that I couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted it all to end. My pain had finally brought me to my knees in desperation.
In the process I created much chaos and considerable damage, while taking others hostage as a result of acting out on often misplaced feelings. But, happily, that was then…
As I would later discover, my pain proved to be the very best thing that had ever happened to me. So, hang with me for a while longer, as there is much hope that things can change for you, too!
Most everyone battles with getting free from the pain of their past & the bondage of self. And, the rest of us fear what might happen to us in the future or what we might lose if we don’t fix what we perceive to be wrong. We’re never just OK with who we really are and with our lot in life. We want something different, better. But, what does all that really mean?
The truth is that emotional and spiritual pain are universal. They affect and afflict. 2.5 billion people, or one-third of the world’s population. So many of us struggle with processing life in positive and healthy ways.
Not feeling loved and validated as children that we were O.K. good enough, and pretty/handsome enough. Or maybe we struggle with depression, anxiety, fear, addiction, loneliness, poor self-esteem, self-Image and self-Worth, or other negative emotions.
What Is Pain, Really? How Does It Rear Its Ugly Head?
While we all know the difference between physical and emotional/psychological pain, scientists have long proven a mind-body connection between the two.
There are many types and causes of pain. Physical (nerve, tissue) that can be acute and chronic, and some that comes and goes like the weather.
Physical Pain is typically defined as an uncomfortable feeling that tells you something may be wrong. It can manifest as a steady, throbbing, aching, pinching feeling. Sometimes it’s just a nuisance, like a mild headache. Acute pain is usually severe and short-lived and is often a signal that your body has been injured or something far deeper and more serious.
Then, there’s psychological and emotional pain that almost always is a manifestation of some deeper, unresolved inner personal or psychological deficiency. Many of us might experience depression, anxiety, and other negative emotional states as a result. If left unattended, we suffer. If not remedied, these feelings and states might actually kill us. Or affect our physical bodies in some detrimental way.
Intolerance of others and ourselves, social awkwardness, damaged relationships, or just not being comfortable with who we are and with our lot in life might amplify these painful feelings – whereby everyone we confront seems like “a pain in the ass.” Life is so unfair and does suck, doesn’t it?
Finally, there’s spiritual pain, which comes from not taking sufficient care of that amorphous life energy that we can’t touch and feel, but most of us know exists somewhere inside of us and in the universe.
Spiritual dis-ease or malaise is often at the heart of emotional, psychological and even physical pain. Can a hole in your soul cause you other kinds of pain and turmoil? You bet.
Pain and Dis-Ease Are Signposts, Touchstones, Smoke Signals…
But the truth is, they are all connected and a necessary part of who you are. Pain is a message to your brain, heart and soul– your very being that something is wrong, missing, undealt with. And, if left untreated, the pain will continue or even get worse.
While it might seem contrary to us, pain is a gift – unpolished diamonds – that if we learn to read their signs and often subtle messages, we can discover what the deeper causes of our pain are and finally, how to heal them with love, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, learning, and acceptance.
Feelings Are Not Always Facts
Knowing with conviction that our feelings are true and factual can be misleading. The fact is that we often misconstrue our feelings for facts and act on them inappropriately or in ways that do not produce the kind of results we are longing for. How many times have we falsely used our feeling of emotional pain as a sign that someone else is to blame, or that we “should” change something outside of ourselves that is causing our pain?
Feelings are often symptoms of something deeper, more troubling. In order to better understand our feelings and rationalize them, we must examine our motives for doing things, expecting things to be a certain way or people to do “the right thing” We blame others for our problems and often look outside of ourselves to seek solutions to changing the way we feel. I should be richer, have a bigger house, better job, be more successful like my friends. Or maybe we’ve managed to acquire all the “things” that should make us happy, but we are still miserable. What’s wrong with that picture?
Healing Is an Inside Job and Requires Change
If we want to feel differently, we often have to change many things, and do things differently. We also need to get to know ourselves far more intimately and lovingly. Much of real and lasting change can also be painful, create discomfort, and take time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. But, it’s worth the effort and wait!
Most of these “things” are inside of us and have little to do with being victimized by our lives and others. The only way to change our lives – our very reality – is to change all those things that are dis-eased and no longer work inside of us.
That’s a tall order, however, and, unlike most physical symptoms, finding a cure can be difficult and confusing. What exactly are we trying to heal? Our minds, body, emotional and psychological make-up, or perhaps the vibration and frequencies of our souls as they relate to our personal evolution and place as citizens of the universe? Or, perhaps all of the above?
Healing Is Many a Splendid & Complex Thing
We’ve all chased multiple solutions to heal what hurts in our life. If it’s physical pain, perhaps we’ve seen a medical professional. If it’s emotional or psychological, maybe we sought the help of a mental heal professional. Or if our issue was a substance or behavioral addiction, maybe we’ve sought the help of both types of “healers,” or sought help through a 12-step or behavioral change program. Maybe you feel like you’re on a healing journey, and if you’re reading this page, you have already begun what is YOUR journey. But maybe you’d don’t like you’ve obtained the results or are where you’d like to be.
Many Fixes, So Little Time…
Perhaps you’ve tried to fix it on our own. Maybe you broke up an old relationship or started a new one? Switched jobs or career, or did a geographical move to someplace else, someplace better. Or you started a self-care regimen to take care of yourself – consisting of diet, exercise, yoga or other forms of taking care of #1.
Or perhaps you’ve found religion or spirituality to fill up that void or hole inside. You learned to meditate, do past-life therapy or some other remedy to heal your spiritual ills. That’s all great, but why are you still experiencing some residual pain and dis-comfort?
Is There Really ONE Solution?
When combined, all of these are healing methods are excellent and can really help heal what ails us. As the consciousness of the world is being raised, and new ways of looking at our lives and our purpose are gaining validity by personal validation, there are many great and workable solutions to our greatest, painful life challenges: Those dogged things that continue to ail us. But, your story is only partially told…
Welcome to Stressed Out Nation – The Place We Come to Heal & Thrive
At Stressed Out Nation, misery is optional and happiness, joy, healing and success are our most valued goals.
We’re here to explore real life healing solutions to our biggest problems — together and in a safe place. This social connection is our door to love, acceptance and triumph over our problems.
Alone, we struggle; Together we ignite hope and move past our struggles to something far greater: A World with meaning and purpose -where self-love, empathy, compassion and forgiveness work and where fear is no longer. Joy, freedom and true inner-peace live here. It’s a place – a state-of-mind that we all deserve and have a right to experience. It’s already inside of you. And, with the practical life tools that we are going to learn together, here’s hope for people who struggle like me and you..
Life is good. Let’s build a worldwide support community to make it better — together!
It's Time to Take Your Life Back? Are You Ready?
What Ails You?
- Unhappy Childhood
- Dysfunctional Family
- Broken Relationship/ Broken Heart
- Anxious and/or Depressed
- Lonely & Isolated
- Insecure & Not Comfortable in Own Skin
- Full of Fear(s)
- Spiritually &/or Emotionally Empty
- Feeling Sad or Blue
- Not: Understood, Good Enough, Worthy Enough, Love-Able Enough, good-Looking Enough, Thin Enough
- Sexual & Physical Abuse, PTSD
- Addiction & Relapse (Substance/Behavior/Sobriety)
- Being Bullied
- Hopeless & Suicidal Feelings
- Angry, Resentful, Remorseful, Shameful, Guilty, Self-Loathing
- Burnt- and Stressed-Out, Overwhelmed, Life Balance Issues
- Feeling Lost & Without Purpose
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